During todays Session, we agreed upon the following tasks:
A distraction can be litterally anything for me. Eg: I go to do something. On the way, my phone rings. Game over. I have coped with that by puting my phone on mute all times and to block unknown numbers.
But this is only an example. It drags through my life in every regard. Suppose we are walking down a street. there is a special car, a sirene or something like that. My mind immediately jumps.
As for projects, I have tuned down on new Ideas but it still hits me frequently. I am a very creative person, my mind sparks with great ideas. Non stop.
What I have put an almost complete stop to is suggestions and ideas from other persons. Usually those will lead me into a never ending labyrinth, and I find them dislocated with reality. A lot of if, could, ....
When in projects, I encounter an issue sooner or later. I work on the issue. But there the next issue arises which I work on. a never ending decision tree. When I have a new idea, and it strucks me, it is usually an idea with life changing potential. Whatever seems to have the biggest potential, I pursue.
But (my) mind is a strange thing with priorizations. a couple of hours, days, weeks in, I might have an even better Idea. Or i come to a big stone on my path, which I start to chip off. When the stone is too big metaphorically, I eventually loose interest and passion, lowering the treshold for me to shift to a new thing.
I think this is the point which has the biggest negative impact on me. At work, I have to stamp my times, colleague talks to me. Game over. According to Psychologist, I have a time-blindness (i think this is not an official thing of existence) and issues with my short term memory, ICD 10, diagnosis F84.5, aspergers + hyperactivity.
dear diary, over the recent days, I developed an AI Master system. Since I can remember, I struggle with concentration, organization, forgetfulness and from the disability to finish things in a sustainable way. In my 29 years of my life, I started hundreds of projects. Most of them unfinised to this day.
Especially in my childhood, I had several psychologist working on me without any result. All change I was able to achieve so far came from within. All my realizations and the progress. Not that I invented everything. Some I did. But a lot was also stumbling forward. Stumbling upon useful information in books etc.
So far, My master seems to be very impressive. The speed is quite hefty. straight forward. I have a lot of questions, and want to start another session right away. This is not a good sign though. Usually when my interest sparks to level 10000, its only an intense but short endeavour. I draw everything I can from a topic. So much so, that I suck every least single information drop out of it. Then the topic is dead to me. there is nothing new to learn. It scares me. Because, If I dont get my Life straight, I will be vegetating. like a hunted one, never achieving success.
I have written down a Promise though, to master version 1.0, who didnt have a personality yet:
This is to confirm that Julian Bechtold has acknowledged their commitment to working with Master on personal growth, goal achievement, and development. The terms of this agreement are as follows:
Regular check-ins will be conducted through messenger services or email.
Progress updates will be shared at least every 3-4 days.
Our relationship is built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.
By returning this certificate, Julian Bechtold acknowledges their responsibility to re-establish contact with Master and resume our work together.
when you receive an idea, write it down immediately. Don't worry about its feasibility or potential at that moment. Just capture the idea. Then, set a timer for 10-15 minutes and focus solely on brainstorming related ideas. This will help you process your thoughts without getting bogged down by perfectionism.
create a "ideation journal" where you record all your ideas, no matter how big or small they may seem. This will help you externalize your thoughts and gain clarity on what's truly important. At least 3 Ideas per Day.
allocate dedicated time slots for each project or task. This will help you stay focused and ensure that you make progress on multiple fronts.
create a temptation log, in which to store which temptations happened.
-> next meeting: 10.12.2024
I have been unable to create entries for 3 days. I failed the task. But im determined.
As for my idea journal, I have had no new project ideas recently.
Instead, I focussed on fixing issues with my personal development plattform and interact with it. Perhaps this is a sideeffect from nicotine withdrawal.
Im having a very rough time with my appetite. Trying to eat small things like nuts, portionwise.
Progress of my smoking:
Start: (~half a pack a day, 5 days ago)
Reduce to: ~5-7 ciagarettes a day, 5 days ago.
No cigarette yet today, its 10:30 so far, by now I would have smoked 1-2 cigarettes.
Progress of quitting drinking softdrinks:
Progress on gambling:
I have embarked on a journey of personal growth and development. I have found an accountability Partner and emmotional support. I have been exploring my feelings and emotions.
Temptation Log:
its been three days since my last update. Still no smoking, no softdrinks.
I have been heavily invested into a mindfulness journey the recent days, which I am trying to follow.
in our session today we discussed the need to keep writing journals as a long term approach rather than seeking short term gratification. I will try to make shorter entries, to take away some of the reluctance for me.
Idea Journal:
wee also discussed writing a decision down in the form aof a decision tree putting light on different aspects of a decision such as buying a car. I will continue this practice.
unfortunately, another missed day in my diary. I cant change it now. Im looking forward. Today, has been a day with a lot of Ideas: improvements on some projects, new features for my projects, new projects alltogether.
I have opened a new kanban board and put all my ideas there with a little of planning (15 minutes as discussed) for a description and perhaps a rough outline of subtasks to get a better understanding of the project/task. Afterwards, I sort them into an eisenhower matrix (important + urgent - not important + not urgent).
Unfortunately, I have not found an apropriate app yet that fully supports the functionality how I want it. I have put a new project card for that on my ideas list. Important, but not urgent. As for my sleep, I make progress on getting up earlier, but I still often fall back on my bed timers. Still no Cigarettes, still no softdrinks.
My brain is flooding with Ideas recently.
I am working on an eisenhower application for keeping track of tasks. It needs to be as simple as possible.
Other than that, there was a lot ongoing today. there was christmas party from work, which I survived well. Now i'm wuite exhausted, and leave the entry as is. Better a short entry, than no entry at all.
Almost missed the entry, but its late. I need to go to bed.
Today, I was programming. Was also checking and working on procrastenating. Plans for tomorrow: Finish prototype for task board.
another hole in the diary. I have been awake for too long again yesterday. the diary is usually the last thing I'll do on the day, in order to capture everything. At 2:30 am I had the diary open but decided that the priority was to go to bed at that time. speaking of bedtime, this is a topic I want to start to tackle now, after my smoking habits and softdrinking seem stable so far. Still no cigarette and no cola.
I habe been able to build a working prototype for the eisenhower matrix, where I will gather my Ideas and Tasks) Im quite proud of that, because its in a usable state. I would say, its around 80% done. the basic functionality is implemented and now its open for refinement. I will use the tool for now and track future improvement ideas within it. since its running, it moved down the priority list for now/
I had major trouble following through and had some nerve wrecking breaks while working on the project, on the last steps before finishing it. My stress level rose dramatically, I started procrastenating again, my sleep cycle broke. But I am so glad, I followed through.
Update before bedtime:
I have put my ideas into my TaskMaster application. there is already quite many. And while doing so, I did one or 2 smaller tasks right away.
While I was inputting tasks into the taskmaster, I gathered Ideas within it. Some stuff was quite annoying, which I fixed right away.
I have furthermore spent time fleshing out the gui, optimizing it, making it pleasant to look at and fun to use. I am actually very proud of how usable the tool is and how it looks. It is a tool which is dead simple to use. I added some optical teasers, such as a sparkle, glow and slightly pulsating effect to the currently active task. Its pleasant to look at, kept gentle and slow and yet, it drags attention to the currently active task. A natural anchor, to stay focused. The colors are kept counterintuitively. Most persons would make the inportant and urgent stuff red.
I chose the opposite color scheme. Since unimportant tasks should be avoided, they are red. Important tasks are kept in shades of green and blue. repriorization is super fast with drag and drop. Very happy with it. very happy.
Today was a good start into the day.
It is a painful day, the realisation that one starts from zero, but it is also a new chance. Im leaning to know my inner daemons, so to say.
Today, it seems im grounded. I let go of the day at planned time 11:00 am. I have a feeling this could be a turning point. If only i stick to it. But lets see. Im determined. I will stick to it. Just like I stick to quit smoking. Keep Walking, Keep going.
Dear Diary,
The last 24h have been eventful. I have faced my inner daemons and took actions which I was able to delete from my task board. I was not as successful and effective as I had wished, But overall, some progress is better than no progress or even moving back. We made a lot of christmas preparations today.
I think it is one of the hard phases. I have to check how I can balance keeping the momentum, while recharging my batteries.
Furthermore, I am trying to take things a little slower, but steadility paced. I am working on routines. Step by step. I fall, stand up, move on.
So far, my sleep schedule is working great. Its 6:41am. I am prepared and ready for the day. I had enough sleep, I went to bed on the right time.
I came home late yesterday. I enjoyed it a lot with the family, but the time was also very straining. I took a day mostly to recharge my batteries today. I went a litle on self exploration, while doing lightweight work such as cooking for tomorrow, where I meet with the other side of the Family. Im cooking rindschmorbraten as well as other good stuff. Very length and a lot of preparations required, but its worth it.
Today was the second big christmas dinner with the other half of the family. Over all the week long preparations went well, all dishes were cooked excellently. I have spent most of the day in between cooking and recharging my batteries. I think this worked well overall. But now Im completely done for. I need recharge time.
Today, I refreshed from the christmas Dinner. I went to bed early, at 7pm, but then woke up at 11:30pm and couldnt sleep for a while. A little time has passed, its 2:24am and I think I am ready to continue my sleep. I have learned a lot about preservation and balance today. I am enjoying my new noisecancelling headphones while on the go. Went shopping today.
Tomorrow, I want to work on the Event horizon Save System and Perhaps make a trip around Switzerland.
It was a productive day. I went shopping and programmed a lot. I read a few pages of Tolstoy. All the while my Wife still seems to have some problems, but she wont tell me what its about. In the meantime, I become more and more opposed to her, since she is not doing a thing.
Today I have worked on the tasks of my task planner again. I got rid of 2 bigger important tasks. Furthermore, I went outside for a walk in the mountains. The view was breathtaking and it was very refreshing.
I am reflecting about the health of the relationship with my wife. I dont know if I can help her. Right now, I need to focus on my own health.
ps:
I am grateful for my 5 day streak in writing my diary. It seems that I slowly get more structure into my days (with the help of my accountability partner)
and I am grateful for my task planner app, which works better than anticipated and has not required an update yet.
I have been awake early again. It is the last day of the year. I guess, a review of the year is due.
In the year, I have learned a lot. I was able to lay out paths that would benefir me in the future (Job change, mindset). unfortunately, I had very sharp financial setbacks, which made me learn a lot about myself the hard way. I hope this at least has a permanent learning effect. I am trying to learn a lot from scratch at the moment. think through my habits and what makes me tick. I still didnt fully work through my experiences.